


the day I was you, the night you were me

by amudarya



Category: EXO (Band), SHINee
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, Emotional Sex, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 19:13:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14408724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amudarya/pseuds/amudarya
Summary: When Kim Jongin loves, he's the kind that loves with all his being. He never felt it before towards another person, but that's how he feels with dancing. He becomes obsessed and lost himself; that's why when he's dancing he always feels like he's possessed and becoming one with the dance. He becomes Kai, and at some point he even had difficulties to distinguish between Kai and Kim Jongin when dancing became synonymous with his life.And that's how Jongin knows that he's in love with his best friend - when he became obsessed and wants to monopolize him even though he should know that Taemin shines the brightest when he's free from any shackles, including from Jongin's ugly and tainted love.But what does Jongin know, if he himself cannot distinguish between his own thoughts and the Taemin that lives inside his head?





	the day I was you, the night you were me

A sudden chill wakes Jongin up from his sleep. His back is hurting from having to sleep in stiff upwards position and he realizes that he has nothing covering his naked body. He’s lying on his back with his hand stretched to his left side, and when he turns his face and slowly opens his eyes, he sees Taemin’s face a close distance from his. There's an instant feeling of relief and gratitude rushing inside him, because this is a view he hasn't been seeing for months and God knows how much Jongin misses this.

Jongin remembers going to Moonkyu's house with Taemin and Sungwoon, where they spent the afternoon playing FIFA before Kwonho came and brought them beers. They stayed there until around eight in the evening, just talking and catching up with each others. Jongin left together with Taemin, who was supposed to drop him at a building near his dorm but changed his mind after Jongin gave him a kiss for the first time in months, just before he get out of Taemin's car. 'Let's stay together a little longer', Taemin had said, with a breathless voice and stars in his eyes, and really, how can Jongin ever deny him anything.

They ended up going to Taemin's house, and Jongin was immediately greeted by a warm hug from Taemin's mother as soon as she saw him entering their living room. Taemin's father was also there, and he greeted Jongin by patting his back and telling him he's happy to see him healthy. Jongin has always been welcomed in the Lee family, just like how Taemin has always been welcomed in the Kim family, even though it's been awhile since they last saw each other. Taemin had went straightly to his room while Jongin chatted with Taemin's parents for a while, updating them on his current activities. When he entered Taemin's room later, Taemin pretended to be annoyed that he had made him wait but it's hard to take him seriously when he's wearing an oversized shirt that went to his thighs. He looked incredibly small and cute, despite the fact that there's never that much height difference between them in the first place. It didn't took long before the shirt was thrown away and he had naked Taemin in his lap, kissing him like there's no tomorrow.

They didn't have sex; they were too tired to do anything so after Jongin had his fill of worshipping Taemin's body, they decided to just make themselves comfortable in Taemin's bed. Jimin had sent Taemin an expensive wine straight from Napa Valley as a congratulatory gift for his first concert and Taemin hadn't had the chance to enjoy it, so they finished the bottle while snuggling and watching some food documentary on Netflix. It was around midnight when Taemin dragged Jongin to the ensuite bathroom to take a shower together, where they lathered each other's bodies with Taemin's citrus-scented shower gel and gave each other a sloppy handjob which they didn't finish because they're too busy sucking each other's faces until the water started to wrinkle their skins.

Afterwards everything was a bit hazy, probably because Jongin was a bit tipsy, but he remembers going to bed naked and comfortable because he had Taemin snuggled on his chest. They fell asleep like that, but somewhere in the night Taemin must have unconsciously moved while trying to seek for warmth. He’s currently curled on his right side; he's sleeping soundly and is apparently hogging all the blankets, which had left Jongin freezing in the fully air-conditioned room. Not that Jongin really minds though. Not when he can see how cute Taemin is being cocooned by the blanket.

Taemin is beautiful. Literally the most beautiful person Jongin has ever seen in his life. They might look alike from certain angles but Jongin knows that his own face is just a fracture of Taemin's beauty. Taemin has been gaining weight in the past few months so his cheeks are fuller, and Jongin appreciated how it softens Taemin’s feature. He cannot help but thinking how fortunate he is to be able to see Taemin like this, barefaced and unguarded. He looks good with make-up on, of course, especially with the right eyeliners and eyeshadows, but Taemin without make up is something else entirely. His skin is mostly clear with only some fading blemishes and light creases around his eyes, and his lips is a bit chapped but still as inviting as ever. He has grown so much and yet, he’s still the same. He grows to be more mature and more confident to show his sensual side, but he’s still cute and adorable and very much the lame kid that Jongin has grew up with, especially when it’s just the two of them together. Jongin absentmindedly runs his fingers to lightly caress Taemin’s face, and stops immediately when Taemin flinches.

“Umm… Jongin?”

“Ah, I’m sorry I wake you up.” 

Taemin smiles sleepily while slowly shaking his head, and he is so adorable Jongin cannot help the swelling affection in his heart. He’s so whipped for this guy, it’s not even funny. Taemin then rolls himself to lay on top of Jongin, and despite the fact that Taemin is not as heavy as him, Jongin can already feel that his ribs protest against the weight.

"What time is it?"

This close, Jongin can still somehow smell the scent of wine amidst the fresh peppermint from Taemin's breath and it makes him a bit heady. Jongin looks up to the clock on the wall behind Taemin, and he's surprised that they've only slept for one hour. He somehow feels as refreshed as if he's had 6 hours of sleep.

"It's 2 o'clock."

"Ah, really?" Taemin says while trailing a soft pattern on Jongin's face, mimicking what Jongin did to him earlier. Jongin closes his eyes, trying to focus on the feeling of Taemin's soft fingers dancing on his skin, and when the touch lingers too long on his lips, Jongin opens his eyes to see Taemin smiling and moving his face closer to Jongin.

"Gimme a kiss,” Taemin says as he brings their lips closer. They kiss softly at first, just a lingering press on each other’s lips, but then Taemin raises himself while smoothly pushing Jongin's upper body up so that he's now sitting with his back against the headboard. _A benefit of being a dancer,_ Jongin thinks. He’s straddling Jongin between his thighs while bringing their lips together again, their naked bodies entangling with the blankets, and Jongin feels like his heart is about to burst by how good it feels. He’s really enjoying the lazy kisses when Taemin softly pulls back and uses his hands to cup Jongin’s face. He’s fully awake; his dark brown eyes are staring intently at Jongin and a soft smile is forming on his lips. Taemin really looks ethereally beautiful like this; with his freshly-cut short blond hair and his fair skin illuminated by the moonlight creeping through his window. Jongin had his fair share of beautiful people as his partners, but no one else is quite a match to Taemin. His beauty is the kind of beauty that inspires Jongin and how he wish he could create poetry or music just so he could immortalize it. And now Jongin is trying so hard to keep his mind straight because if he follows his heart, all he wants to do is following his greed and he might ended up saying something really stupid.

Something _really_ stupid like proposing Taemin to leave everything behind and elope with him somewhere. Or at least to tell him outright how he wishes they could have an exclusive relationship because he's selfish and he cannot stand the thought of Taemin sleeping with other people. Something stupid that could risk whatever left from their relationship right now.

“People always tell me that we look like each other.” Taemin’s hoarse voice interrupts his train of thoughts and somehow Jongin can feel how Taemin’s fingers on his face is slightly trembling. Maybe the cold temperature in the room is also starting to affect him. “But what I see every day in the mirror is nothing compared to what I see right now. You're really beautiful.”

Jongin almost wants to laugh because it is seriously so cheesy, but seeing Taemin’s serious expression, he cannot help but to smile back. Whenever Taemin compliments him, which is very rarely in itself, it’s always very telling; the way his eyes soften and how he’s smiling is always so earnest as if confirming that he really means everything he says. He closes his eyes and takes both of Taemin’s hands from his face and kisses it gently. He looks up to see a pretty smile on Taemin’s lips that reached to his eyes. In moment like this, Jongin is actually really thankful for his own face because Taemin seems to like it very much.

“You are overstating it but yeah, I’m glad I’m growing up to be a handsome guy. Otherwise I wouldn’t have any confidence to be seen in public as your best friend.”

“What are you saying? I might've teased you a lot but you’ve always been handsome from the start.” Taemin is quick to defend and he is pouting a little, and Jongin cannot hold himself back from stealing a quick kiss. Taemin pinches his cheek playfully before purposely forming a pout again, and Jongin takes the challenge by kissing him again, properly this time. He knows that Taemin is particularly sensitive on his lower lip so he gives it a lingering lick before sucking it off gently, and it earns him a delightful moan. Taemin pulls away from him slightly to take control of the kiss and he starts to make use of his tongue by pushing it inside Jongin’s mouth and Jongin would be lying if he says that it’s not his favorite thing in the world. Dominant Taemin has always been Jongin's favourite, especially when he's sporting a cute boyish look like now. The contrasts and contradictions found in almost everything about Taemin has always been fascinating for Jongin.

Taemin will forever be an enigma for other people, he thinks. He's always been pretty, and sometimes people who meet him for the first time would mistook his pretty appearance for a soft and gentle personality while in fact, he's never really like that. He's truly kind and has good manners, but he's never one to just go with the flow nor to just follow the people around him. He can be a good sport but if he's uncomfortable with something, he would say it out loud. He's pretty firm on his principles, and yet some people had the nerve to complain when he's not as agreeable as they thought.

Taemin also spaces out a lot, which led to some people thinking that he's either an airhead or an asshole, until they surprised themselves when they interviewed him and he’d give thoughtful and meaningful answers. It's true that Taemin looks lost most of the time, but it's not because he doesn't understand or doesn't care about his surrounding. It's because his mind is always a mix of various things happening at the same time. Even Jongin still marvels at how gifted Taemin is; he knows that Taemin works really hard and that's probably why he disliked it when people said that he's gifted, but the way his mind constantly pouring ideas is a gift in itself.

And the most harmful of people's perception of Taemin is that he’s always open about his feelings. He's never hesitant to point out things he dislikes and never really try to sugarcoat his opinions. People believe that Taemin is like an open book, in a sense that what people see is what he actually is. Everyone thinks that they know him.

Everyone feels that they have the right to judge him when he didn't openly show what he's feeling, or when he chose not to explain his actions.

They don't care about the feelings that he cannot show, and Jongin knows how it actually hurts Taemin when people are calling him selfish and heartless just because he cannot express his emotions.

_While it might be true that Taemin has never been pretending_ , Jongin cannot stop a moan because Taemin starts to rub his nipple with his fingers and it feels so damn good, _doesn’t mean that he doesn’t hide anything_.

“You seem to be thinking about something. I’m not doing a good job.” Taemin whispers as he moves his lips to trail a kiss from Jongin’s lip to his neck. He gives a tentative lick to his neck and Jongin moves his fingers to tangle at Taemin’s soft hair, stroking softly. “I’m just thinking about you.”

“Why would you do that when I'm here?” Taemin asks before giving Jongin a temporary brain-freeze because his tongue lingers on the skin of his neck and Jongin can feel his teeth touching the skin. _Please, please leave your marks on me and let everyone see I’m yours,_ Jongin’s brain whispers traitorously, but Taemin only ends up giving him scattered kissed all over his neck. Jongin doesn't say anything further and cups Taemin’s face instead to kiss him again.

Kissing Taemin will always be his favorite thing, because it’s one of the few moments where he can truly feel Taemin's emotions. Taemin’s touches and other gestures during the sex, no matter how soft or tender, could always be the manifestation of his lust and desires, but his kisses are somehow always different. Even when he’s dominating, or when he’s being submissive, Taemin’s kisses are always latched with desperation. As if he’s trying to express everything he cannot say with words.

Jongin has always been one hundred percent sure that he knows everything about Taemin, but it’s not from Taemin’s own words. Even after all these years, Taemin rarely says anything about his feelings, and therefore Jongin knows Taemin more from his own observations. He can read his expressions, he knows the actual meaning of his often jumbled and misplaced words, and he can even understand all those things that were left unsaid.

And that’s probably why everything between them has always been difficult. Because when he said that he knows everything about Taemin, it works both way.

He knows that Taemin really treasures him; he knows that for him, for _his_ _happiness_ , Taemin would do anything. And he knows that Taemin also _knows_ that for Jongin, he is the most important person in Jongin's life. It's practically impossible for Taemin to not realizing how Jongin feels towards him, and yet, he never did anything about it.

It's true that they started sleeping with each other because it's convenient; they're comfortable with each other anyway so why not help each other, as friends? Taemin has been clear from the start that what they're having isn't exclusive. Jongin had agreed; their schedules makes it impossible for them to have sex as often as they want to anyway, and Jongin doesn't want to take anything away from Taemin. And it shouldbe that way, the fact that sex is actually just complementary to their relationship. They're best friends, first and foremost. They have sex when they have time for it, but when they're dating other people, they'd stop. Or more like when Jongin dated other people. Taemin never dated anyone, not even once, although he has regular flings that Jongin knows. All of them are hot people and they never failed to fuels his insecurities, but Taemin has been repeatedly saying that he's not emotionally invested in any of them, and he's not trying to find one either.

Jongin though, he's a romantic through and through so he keeps searching for a partner and when he's dating, he dated them seriously. But it never worked out. It’s something that Jongin always regrets, because there were occasions when he really liked his partner. It's just, whenever he's confronted to choose between them and Taemin, he had always choose the latter. Every single relationships he had, all fell apart because all his partners cannot stand always being second to Taemin. Jongin had hoped that he'd meet someone whom he'd love to spend time with more than Taemin, someone whom at least could ignite his passion as much as Taemin, but now that he thinks about it, does he even want to?

He's grown addicted to Taemin, and not just because they've been having fantastic sex, but because somewhere along the way, he realized that his infatuation with Taemin is because he's _in_ love with him. Probably ever since the first time he laid his eyes on Taemin twelve years ago and felt so awestruck because _how can seeing a boy dance makes my heart race_ , it has always been love. Jongin has never been good with masking his feelings, and even though he only realized it recently, it might have been obvious all these time. Their friends had teased him about it, their managers had suspected it, _their agency had asked them about it_. Hell, even their fans had guessed it (he remembered seeing a fansite photo of their interaction and the caption was "I wish I could find someone who'd look at me the way Kai look at Taemin" and it had made Jongin smiled like a fool for the whole day).

So of course, Taemin would know, he probably knew it already even before Jongin himself realized it. And even though he doesn't seem to be disturbed by it, he never said anything about it either, especially not when it's just the two of them. In the end they never brought up this topic, and the only reason that Jongin can think is it's because Taemin doesn't want to talk about it. After all, Taemin has made it clear repeatedly that he's not looking for a committed relationship, so it's solely Jongin's fault if he still ends up falling in love with him.

What Taemin might not know is that when Jongin falls in love, he falls hard. He never felt it before towards another person, but that's how he feels with dancing. He'll become obsessed and lost himself; that's why when he's dancing he always feels like he's posessed and becoming one with the dance. He becomes Kai, and at some point he even had difficulties to distinguish between Kai and Kim Jongin when dancing became synonymous with his life. It's similar with what is happening with his feelings for Taemin. Jongin knew it's _love_ when his feelings for Taemin has grown into something possessive and obsessive and it doesn't stop at him being the most important for Taemin, but how he should be the only one. How a piece of his heart shattered every time he sees marks on Taemin’s thighs or chest which he never gave. How he has to take a break from sleeping with Taemin every so often and dated other people just to keep himself sane.

Even though more often than not, dating other people will only make him feel like he's going crazy with his obsession towards Taemin.

How can it not be, if when he's dating other people and kiss them, his mind will remind him of how Taemin also likes to kiss him like that. When he's taking his date to watch a movie and he likes it, he thinks of how Taemin will also like the movie and he'll probably watch it with someone else. How can it not be, if even when he looks at his face on the mirror, his own face reminds him so much of Taemin. Funny how people think that they look so alike and how their personality is also a mirror to each other and treat it like a fascinating thing; how their friendship is so close that they're resembling each other. They said they envied their friendship, oh if only they knew that their similarities are like a slow poison that consumes Jongin's mind and making him lost control of his own personality. He doesn't even remember how he was before he met Taemin.

_(The day I was you, the night you were me_  
_Time is drunk with us)_

Jongin loves Taemin so much that he feels like he's about to burst for how intense it is, and it’s all pointless because for Taemin, what they’re having is already enough.

And it should probably be enough. What else can they do anyway? It's not like they can really date each other even if they want to; their careers would practically collapse overnight if the press found out about it. It's already hard the way it is now, with the press always been suspicious of their relationship because really, Jongin has always been bad at pretending so he cannot do anything about the obvious love in his eyes whenever he's with Taemin. Several years ago, the paparazzi even managed to got a picture of them during one of their late night walks near Hangang and Jongin remembers the fear he felt when he saw the pictures because they were definitely kissing at some point that night. Either the paparazzi weren't there yet when it happened or they held out from posting the photos for whatever reason. Until now, the press has never really pushed the topic, probably because they're afraid of their agency, but once they get solid evidence, Jongin knows they would have a field day.

If he's being true to himself, Jongin actually could not careless. He believes that he can always dance and sing anywhere and it's not necessary for him to be a superstar for him to be happy. He already has more than enough money to open his own dance studio, or even to migrate to other countries should the public couldn't accept his choice. But Taemin, well, Taemin is different. He loves the stage; he lives on it and he gains strength from it. He put his soul into his career; he always wants to leave a mark in the industry and he works really hard for it, harder than any other soul that Jongin knows.

And there's no way that Jongin would take it away from him.

They can still have this relationship despite everything just because Jongin has decided not to say anything about his feelings. Despite the possibility that Taemin has already knew about it anyway, by not admitting it Jongin has set the boundaries of the relationship himself. And he will probably never admit it, ever. He's afraid, that if he says it, it will make Taemin realize that Jongin is _expecting_ him to do something about it, something which he might not want to give but will give anyway because Taemin can never say no to him.

So instead, Jongin stays silent, even though those words are always on the tip of his tongue, threatening to slip out every time he-

"Jongin-ah, don't think." Taemin says as he slowly pulled back from the kiss, and Jongin's mouth instinctively tries to follow him but Taemin puts a finger on Jongin's lips to stop him and he shakes his head with a teasing smile on his face.

But Jongin doesn't want to stop. Not when he finally has Taemin in his arms again after not touching him for God knows how many months. He's desperate, and he's frustrated because Taemin doesn't seem to share his desperation and has been calm even though Jongin feels like he's about to explode himself.

"Taemin, let's fuck. It's been a long time."

Taemin blinks and his teasing smile turns into something more amused. He looks calm but Jongin can notice that there's a shift in his expression; his eyes slightly darkens and his pupils are a bit dilated as he whispers "You are very hot when you're desperate."

_No shit, sherlock_. When he's desperate Jongin will do anything that he's usually too embarrassed to do. Like explicitly saying let's fuck. Or biting his lips invitingly in an attempt to show how much he wants Taemin right now. 

"Yeah? So let's fuck okay?" Jongin doesn't even need to get into his Kai persona because Taemin has always succeed in bringing out his confidence naturally during their intimate moments, especially with how his eyes right now is alight with _want_. Taemin wants him, and for Jongin it's enough reason for him to feel like he's the most desirable person in the universe.

"How do you want it?" Taemin asks almost shyly, but the way his hand slowly travels from Jongin's chest to his navel and slides further down betrays any facade of innocence. Jongin is already half-hard, and Taemin wastes no time in gripping his dick with his hand, massaging it softly until it grows bigger in his smallfingers, all the while keeping a steady eye contact with Jongin. Jongin knows that it means Taemin wants Jongin to fuck him, but he really wants to hear Taemin saying it.

"Anyway you want it." Jongin says, trying to keep his voice steady between his labored breath because Taemin is currently doing magic with his hand. Taemin's hand-job has always been first rate, even from the time they were experimenting in Taemin's old room 8 years ago where Jongin lost both his first kiss and his first sexual experience to Taemin.

Taemin has the audacity to chuckle at Jongin's answer, but there's heat in his gaze that makes Jongin's inside burns. He continues to languidly pump Jongin, and Jongin couldn't stand being the only one so bothered by all these so he moves his hands to squeeze Taemin's ass.

It's a perfect reaction, how Taemin sighs as if he's been waiting for this for so long and his body molds into Jongin's as soon as he feels Jongin's hands on his ass. Jongin squeezes him harder, and he lets out a stiffled moan that sends all the blood straight to Jongin's dick.

"So what do you want me to do?" Jongin prompts Taemin again.

"How about you fuck me so good I can't remember anything but your name?" Taemin says, breathlessly, with a challenging grin on his face; he's pushing back his hair from his forehead and Jongin has to catch his breath because it's illegal how can he look so different just by pushing his hair back. It's like Danger era all over again, where Jongin had continuous whiplash because one moment Taemin looked like a fairy prince and one moment he looked like a vampire. All just by pushing his hair back.

Now Jongin really wants to be fucked instead.

Taemin takes Jongin's face in his hand, moving it so that Jongin nods. Jongin blinks, realizing that he was stunned and didn't respond to Taemin's question. He's trying to say something but in the end he can only let out a breathy 'yes'. Taemin chuckles again before giving Jongin a chaste kiss and proceeds to leave him alone in the bed, going to the bathroom. He reemerges not long after with lube and condoms. He stops right before climbing up to the bed, staring at Jongin who hasn't moved at all. He throws the lube towards Jongin, who caught it by reflex.

"Do you want me to lay down or?" Taemin asks, a bit awkwardly, and Jongin realizes that he's been doing next to nothing and must've been making things awkward. He quickly moves to the edge of the bed where Taemin is standing, and pulls him to climb to the bed.

"I'm sorry, you've been so breathtaking I'm lost at what to do." Jongin says as he slowly pushes a laughing Taemin to lay on the bed. Jongin hovers above him closely, so close that he could see his reflection in Taemin's eyes. Taemin is still laughing, and the sound of his laughter is Jongin's favourite sound ever. Taemin moves his hand to Jongin's neck and pulls hims down for a kiss.

"Stop being a sap and start wrecking me instead," Taemin demands, and what is Jongin's purpose of existence really if not to comply with it. He sits up and uncaps the lube and pour a generous amount to his fingers before motioning for Taemin to rest his legs on his shoulders. 

Jongin pushes a finger in, and Taemin immediately clenches around it while moaning so loud that Jongin has to bend Taemin's body so that he can reach Taemin's lips and kisses him. He moves the finger inside, trying to make Taemin used to the sensation. Taemin keeps moaning into the kiss, while also impatiently clenching around Jongin's finger, silently asking for more. Jongin pulls slightly from the kiss, giving Taemin chance to breathe and at the same time, inserting the second finger. Taemin gasps and Jongin gives him a moment to adjust, before moving his fingers and start searching for the right spot.

He's trying to concentrate and remember where exactly the spot is, but Taemin makes it hard as he keeps squirming and letting out the lewdest stifled moans, distracting Jongin from his task at hand. His fingersfinally graze on the spot, and Taemin almost screams out his name if Jongin doesn't swiftly capture his mouth and swallow the moans.

"I'd love to hear you scream my name but not tonight." Jongin whispers into Taemin's ear, and sucks a bruise behind his ear where he knows Taemin is extra sensitive. Taemin pulls at his hair, almost painfully, and Jongin inserts the third finger while continues to probe at the spot. Taemin throws his head back, biting his own lips to prevent himself from moaning too loud. His neck is exposed and inviting and God, how Jongin wishes he could leave a visible mark there to let everyone know that Taemin is taken.

His cock is throbbing almost painfully now, because nothing turns him on more than when Taemin gets lost in pleasure. He looks around for the condom and found it right beside Taemin's head, who is now looking at him with so much emotions in his hooded eyes. He lowers his face to kiss Taemin again, all the while keep moving his fingers inside him, and Taemin reciprocates by fucking Jongin's mouth with his tongue. It's intense, and Jongin cannot wait anymore to be inside Taemin. He uses his other hand to take the condom, but Taemin grabs his hand to stop him.

"When was our last med-check again?" Taemin asks breathlessly, referring to the regular health check-up their agency required them to do.

"Fuck, Taemin," Jongin let out a groan as he realizes why Taemin is asking the question. "Around two months ago. I haven't had sex ever since."

"Great. Neither did I." Taemin whispers to Jongin's mouth and pulls him down for another kiss. He then clenches so tight around Jongin's fingers while biting his lower lip. Jongin cannot help but to groan because he cannot imagine how good it would feel around his dick, skin on skin. He slowly takes out his fingers, and it's so arousing the way Taemin's ring muscle keeps clenching him as if preventing him from leaving it empty.

Jongin then pumps himself once, twice, while looking at Taemin, who apparently got impatient and suddenly swiftly flipped their positions, effectively pinning Jongin underneath him. Jongin gasps; he really feels turned on every time Taemin effortlessly manhandled him. Taemin looks unreal as he sits up above him; eyes never leaving Jongin while his handsdisappear behind his back, doing the work lathering Jongin's dick with lube. His own dick standing proudly and flushed pink against his pale skin, and with the way his face is wrecked with desire, Jongin tries his best to imprint the view into his memory.

Jongin moves his hands to squeeze his ass, anticipating the contact, but it still almost knocks him out when Taemin finally sinks himself unto him.

It's a slow burn; the first contact of his dick to Taemin's entrance sends electricity to his whole body, and Taemin really takes his time to enjoy the feeling of slowly being penetrated. Jongin is mesmerized with the way Taemin is closing his eyes in pleasure and how even the sound of his breath is so wonderful to be heard. There's no sign of discomfort in his face, just pure pleasure with how wide his mouth is smiling and the soft sighs of'Jongin, Jongin, Jongin' that leaves his mouth.

It's a beautiful sight, so beautiful that it's almost painful to see because obviously, nothing this beautiful could be attained without losing something. And despite how fantastic it currently feels around his dick, he can also feel the lump on his throat and tears that's threatening to fall because God, he's so close to sacrificing everything just to be able to have this forever.

Jongin tries his best not to say anything, afraid that whatever he's saying would be too honest for both of them to handle. Instead, he just channel his thoughts and feelings to his body and as soon as he feels that Taemin has already used to his dick inside him, he lifts his hips and encourages Taemin to move.

Taemin seems to be more than eager to comply. He presses his hand on Jongin's chest, bending his body slightly and start moving up and down, meeting Jongin's thrust. He has his eyes open now; he holds Jongin's gaze and grins so happily that Jongin cannot help but feeling sappy. They move together in sync; like how they do when they're dancing together - never the same moves but always complementing each other.

And like this, having sex without any protection feels so intimate and it gives Jongin a false sense of contentment. It's as if they're long-time partner in an exclusive relationship and there's no one else between them. 

"This feels really good, yes?" Taemin says as he sinks himself so deep that Jongin feels like he might tore him apart. The skin-on-skin sensation is overwhelming in a good way, like a constant near-orgasmic state that makes Jongin heart races abnormally fast he's afraid he might get a heart attack. "We should do this more often." 

"Yeah, why aren't we doing this more often." Jongin replies, holding Taemin's hips still and thrusting his hips from underneath with enough force to make Taemin slips out a loud moan. "Taemin, we're in your house." Jongin warns in between his thrusts, almost half-heartedly; even though he very much enjoys it when Taemin is being loud, they're unfortunately not in the privacy of a hotel suite or empty dorm. Taemin nods and he's mouthing a silent sorry before motioning for Jongin to slow down. Jongin complies and slows down his movement, and Taemin closes his eyes for a while, catching his breath.

"Are you satisfied with riding me yet? Can I fuck you now?" Jongin asks while running his hands soothingly on Taemin's thighs while moving his hips just slightly. He loves it when Taemin takes charge and ride him enthusiastically like earlier, but now he really wants to take control and just let Taemin enjoy the pleasure.

"Yes, of course, yes, Jongin _please_."

That's more than the confirmation that Jongin needed and he slowly pulls out from Taemin and hauls him onto his back. Taemin looks really delectable like this; his hair looks realy soft and the color is so light it's almost the same color with the pillow, his lips red and swollen from being bitten, his cheeks a pretty pink and his eyes opened up so wide. Jongin spreads Taemin's legs apart, one of his hands grips tightly at Taemin's inner thigh as the other hand guides him to enter him again.

It's sensation overload all over again, but Jongin has more leverage to move now and he sets up a slow rhythm so he can properly appreciate the wave of pleasure. Taemin is also showing signs of appreciation, if his pleased sighs is anything to goes by. There's sweat on his forehead, on his jaw, on his neck, on his chest and Jongin really wants to lick all over it. Realizing that he can actually do that, Jongin bends down and places his tongue on the plane of Taemin's jaw, and the taste and the scent is making him heady. He's licking all the way down to his neck where he has to stop because the scent is really strong there and he wants to bury his nose there forever.

"Hey, Jongin, don't you want to leave a hickey there?" 

Jongin freezes, because it's the first time Taemin has ever specifically asks to be _marked_ , and Jongin has to stop his thrusting for a second to control himself. Of course he had left marks on Taemin before, and it wouldn't be the first time that he left a bruise on somewhere visible either. But before, it's always accidentally, when they've lost themselves in the throes of passion, or just because Jongin feels exceptionally jealous and possessive but never, never because Taemin asked for it.

"I can't, it's way up from your collar line. I'll leave marks somewhere else, okay?"

"No, Jongin, I don't care. Suck me there." Taemin almost whines, and it takes all of Jongin's self-restrain to hold himself back. He tries to reason but then Taemin whispers a _'please, Jongin'_ and all of his resolves crumble.

Jongin kisses him again in the neck, opening his mouth slowly and breathe out in between the kisses. He can feel the way Taemin's body react with shivers, and he uses the tip of his tongue to lick along the lines of his neck from the bottom to near his ear. He slows down a bit; giving slow wet kisses from his ear to the juncture between his neck and shoulder. He places an open mouth kiss on the skin, carefully using his teeth to hold the skin there, and gently sucks. He sucks on it for several seconds, being encouraged by the soft moans from Taemin's lips and the almost painful tug on his hair, before gently lifting his lips from the skin.

It's quite a large bruise and Jongin berates himself for getting carried away, but he can't deny that it looks really good on Taemin. Not to mention striking, because the angry deep red really stood out on the pale skin of his neck. But combined with the pleased expression on Taemin's face and how he's clenching so tight around his cock, Jongin would say that he'd done a pretty good job.

"It's a large bruise, you know." Jongin says as he motions Taemin to hold his own legs. Taemin only winks and moves his hands as instructed, and Jongin moves his elbows to rest on both sides of Taemin's head and supporting his weight, effectively caging Taemin between his arms. He then snaps his hips hard, so hard that Taemin almost screams and Jongin has to swallow the sound with his mouth again. He snaps with the same force repeatedly, effectively making Taemin moans into the kisses and clenching so hard around him it's almost painful. Taemin then moves his hands to Jongin's back, clutching onto him so hard Jongin can feel that the blunt nails are almost tearing his skin. 

Jongin knows that he's almost at his limit, and from the way Taemin is repeatedly moaning his name into the kiss it seems like he's also close. It's amazing that even though his own dick is untouched, Jongin can already feel it throbs between their bodies. "You think you can come without me touching you?" Jongin whispers while sucking gently and giving another bruise behind Taemin's ear shell. It's Taemin's sensitive spot, and Taemin cannot hold back a moan.

"Taemin." Jongin warns again, even though he's also having a really hard time keeping his voice down.

"Jongin, promise me that next time you'll fuck me where I can scream your name as loud as I want." Taemin protests in a long string of words in between his labored breaths, and Jongin would normally think that it's really cute if not by how those words actually makes him emotional.

_Promise me_. _Next time_.

"Yes, Taemin, yes, whatever you want I'll give it to you." Jongin says, too honest for his own liking but he cannot help it.

"Good." Taemin says between his gasps as he brings his fingers to Jongin’s hair and circling his legs around Jongin’s back. Jongin could feel how Taemin is so close with how the ring muscle is clenching and unclenching rapidly around him, so he brings his lips to kiss him again. Taemin doesn't really respond to the kiss, too lost in his own pleasure, and Jongin knows exactly when his orgasm about to come as Taemin whispers another chants of his name repeatedly.

_Jongin, Jongin, Jongin_.

“I'm here.” Jongin says, putting as much emotion as he can into those two words, and Taemin lets out a breathless whisper of Jongin's name as he comes. It's a breathtaking view; Jongin can feel how his heart is aching as he sees Taemin beneath him - his heels digging almost painfully onto Jongin’s back and his fingers tugging hard on Jongin’s hair, his long pale neck strained so hard, his plump lips trembled and his eyes closed tight. Taemin in his orgasmic state are always ethereally beautiful, and that’s what triggered Jongin into thinking dangerous things like ‘you are mine’ and ‘I could live like this _forever_ ’.

Those feelings build up inside him and Jongin is trying so hard to hold his tears because he feels so helpless; he's so in love with this guy laying under him and he doesn't know what to do. He's scared; he knows he's falling and the only one that can save him is Taemin, but how could it be when this person is also the cause of his fall?

Jongin can also feel that he's close, and he has this needs to be as close as possible to Taemin so he kisses him again. The heat and tightness of Taemin's inside is pulsing around him; the sensation of his warm release in his stomach, the frantic movements of their tongues and lips desperately latching to each other, the musky smell of Taemin’s faint cologne engulfing him and all the feelings inside him send all different reactions to Jongin’s brain and he's almost knocked out by how intense it is when his orgasm hits him. He lets out a breathless groan and Taemin is more than eager to swallow all the sounds, whispering praises in between their kisses.

It's perfect, probably one of the best sex he's ever had in years. Even better than the last sex they've had together, rushed in a hotel room in Hong Kong after they both got carried away from their own PDA during one public event several months ago. And with Taemin giving soothing touches all over his back and letting him enjoy the high with his tender kisses, Jongin feels complete.

After a while, they both slowly let go of each other lips, and they both breathing harshly with a trail of saliva still connecting their lips and their forehead resting against each other. It's a magical moment; when they're both staring into each other eyes as if trying to tell each other their feelings through telepathy.

"I love you so much," Jongin says, which shouldn't be anything special since they exchange those words so frequently that it doesn't necessary have to mean whatever heavy stuff that Jongin is actually implying to. But Taemin doesn't answer him with the same carelessness and is instead just staying silent, looking, searching at Jongin's eyes and Jongin feels like he's being stripped naked even though he literally is. After a painfully long one minute, Taemin finally says “I love you too” with a beautiful smile that screams honesty and truth and Jongin for once really hoped that his thought doesn't betray him this time.

And so Jongin, the sentimental and hopelessly in love Jongin, smiles back from the depth of his heart fooling himself into thinking that they're saying it with the same feelings.

_(If I knew how to stop, if I knew how to love_  
_Would things have been different, you and I?)_  

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to Day and Night on loop and this happened. I cannot for the love of God get into Taemin's head so in the end I wrote it from Jongin's POV instead.
> 
> Title and words in bracket were quoted from Taemin's self-written lyrics for Day and Night.


End file.
